Unlistenable Podcast 75432

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #43: Lay Down The Burden is now available!

Click here if you prefer iTunes.

Karl lies multiple times during this podcast. See if you can figure out when. (Hint: Not about the silver.)

Outro music: “Fumble” by Frank Jordan (well worth the $9 – best Sacramento band ever?)

You can be our friend on Facebook. Also, if you look to the right, you’ll see options for following us via RSS and such. If you look below, you’ll see options for sharing the joy with your friends. Check it, yo and make use of it – we need new fans to replace the ones we piss off or block. (Sorry, Chinese download robots!)

You heard it here first.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #42: Get Up In Them Guts! is now available.

Click here if you prefer iTunes.

More politics talk. But hey, no poker! (Listen closely for Karl’s Goldfish Memory moments.)

Outro music: “Infiltrate 202″ by Altern 8 (Of all the weird out of print things I like to actually be on Amazon mp3…)

Unlistenable Podcast #41: We Nominate A Dead Lady is now available.

Click here if you prefer iTunes.

Behold the Phantom Pooper! We talk politics. And kitty cats.

Outro music: “Don’t Save Us From The Flames” by M83 (warning: slightly loud) (inexplicably not available on Amazon mp3)

Unlistenable Podcast #40: Ronadon Part 1 is now available.

Click here if you prefer iTunes.

In this episode, we feature our first guest and horrible audio quality. Listen to us discuss Andrew’s horrible love life and Ron’s bucket of food bet, aka Ronadon. He’s been at it for a week. I (Andrew) don’t have any money on it, but for some reason I want Karl to win.

Outro music: “Long Haul” by Voxtrot

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #39: Poisoning Ron is now available. Click here if you prefer iTunes.

Thrill to topics including:

because he demanded it
our Karl is so irreverent
place your bets now as to how many Andrew remembers
more detail than you could have possibly wanted
there’s a reason some posts on Livejournal aren’t marked “public”
I like people, even though they do dumb things
“the pictures are actually not that disgusting” – always reassuring to hear
(reference to that lasagna commercial I saw that nobody was going to get anyway)
Karl forgets the (joke involving fasting deleted)
these Karl threats never seem to come true
I hook you up with a better deal
more Hard Hairpin Left (Maybe) bashing
and I’m the misogynist?
Police Women of Broward County
the Matrix is now rated NC-17
Karl admits to it
she’s 48, apparently
most of these guys don’t like geeky stuff, actually
Karl’s Heaven’s Gate reenactment group is never going to take off like he wants
Andrew takes a shot at Sunny for a change
those in the industry call it “the bug”
it annoys me that I know the exact times (or at least the exact start time)
I’d argue somebody else ruined 9/11 first
I’d argue I didn’t miss the “joke”
words from Karl to strike fear in your heart
at least then she’d provide some use to someone
he does say that every podcast

Outro music: “Rise Up In The Dirt” by Voxtrot

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #38: The Forgotten Episode? is now available. Click here if you prefer iTunes.

Thrill to topics including:

the joke dawns on Andrew
Karl struggles to get to the intro
Karl finally shares his tiresome joke with you
no mall succeeds in Denton?
like we ever talk about anything that matters
do they factor in the drive time?
JOB SECURITY!
his lips say “nice reference”, his mind is being sarcastic
viciously faceholed – par for being Karl’s “friend”
Andrew creates the “Final Destination” TV adaptation
we’re bound for movie/TV fame
Andrew is *still* waiting for the TV adaptation of Diamond Age (yes, really)
Here’s your big sack of money, whore!
the knowing “Oh God” – it’s catching on!
Hard Hairpin Left (Maybe)
the artist’s intent explained
where “a lot of people” = Karl and Ren
Andrew – making you scratch your head since 1977!
oh, the things I catch from guys with acne scars when they talk low into the mic
at least he didn’t mention “Unicorn Soup”
nice ref, Karl
you get the punchline without the setup (it’s one of my favorite jokes of Karl’s)
someone else anonymous gets thrown under the bus
technically, if you go longer than 1 day, you make it further than HP
welcome to the cult, Karl
Karl actually reads the manuals (well, the “here’s how to set it up” manual)
Karl goes to Vegas (and we get to talk about it)
I try the low talking thing and fail hard
we call 4 AM the “blurry hour” because Karl cannot see things
Gordon Ramsay’s Karaoke Nightmares
apparently I don’t consider fruit to be food
sometimes a dick is just a dick
Karl says it as if he’s not a nerd
thank our copyright laws!
I only know two lines of our state song
the guy LOOKED like Bob Lauria
just because I tried to do “Pat’s Trick” by Helium once…
also the only guy to talk directly to Andrew about how everyone thinks Andrew is a douche! (he was drunk at the time, granted)
Mori Eskandari – also the guy Phil Hellmuth yells at
Andrew overthinks something
watch out, Shae!
The Return of Mean Waitress!
Andrew loses his shit in absentia (again)
customer service tips from Andrew

Outro music: “Someday You Will Be Loved” by Death Cab for Cutie

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #37: Time To Make The Bread is now available. Click here if you prefer iTunes.

So yeah, whoops. Forgot to unplug the webcam again. I’m a really good producer, I swear. Well, ok, I’m not.

Thrill to topics including:

It turns out the blue bars do mean something…
Karl joins a cult
the sound of typing
job interview hyjinx
I once bought a cheap Sorny knockoff. Worst stereo I ever owned.
It’s good that I didn’t have to sleep with anyone because no one was hot.
buy high! sell low!
Karl asks a question he knows the answer to
there’s a reason Dockers and a polo shirt is referred to as “the tech support uniform”
IT’S A SHIFTING AVERAGE.
and with only 3 or 4 fingers – really.
Karl has an obsession with a phrase I created.
I hope one particular person doesn’t listen to this podcast.
Karl jokes about my suicide (again)
2000, but who’s counting?
Karl has a conscience?
Karl is smart and mean, but not fat.
It’s a Hilton, so you know it’s got to be good (for filming porn)
Karl drew a graph with his hands here.
the business model of donuts
turns out the app isn’t available yet. tragic.
turns out he busted out on the first day. :|
eating contests: a young man’s game?
you throw a piece of bacon on a steak and suddenly you can make an extra $10
a few minutes with me and I’ll sort you right out
Karl’s mom makes (yet another) mistake
my advice is: don’t go to Karl for a speech
Karl occasionally sidetracks things, pay attention
that or because I don’t own a tie
after he pays for a year of hosting, he’s going to get another domain?

Outro music: “Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors” by Editors

Unlistenable Podcast #36: Forever Creepy is now available. (Or click here if you like the iTunes.)

Thrill to topics including:

podcasting: not yet recognized as an indoor recreational activity
Karl is always trying to turn things into a quirky indie film
this is sort of the definition of dramatic irony, except the audience doesn’t know either
(the sound you don’t hear is an ice cream truck)
Karl has many bus-throwing skills and techniques
beer commercial references will save this relationship!
there’s not a lot of songs celebrating Tuesday or Thursday
Toe Goes In First!
another mystery solved for you
because you were worried about who owns what
Karl wasn’t the only one leaving early (curiously the first hit when I tried to look up the real name of Cosmo Glumper)
indie kids: *please* start liking better dance music
not just a little, very
half my life in the Dallas music scene and I think I’ve been in Club Dada once.
I forget to mention how El Ten Eleven is handling the encore problem
better, but more expensive
the sound you hear is Karl having money
I think he’s kinda funny looking, actually
Andrew is sooo punk rock. soooo punk rock.
like you can’t look it up on the tax rolls…
Andrew: surprisingly not a hardware guy
in the end it didn’t matter
people didn’t suddenly start going to Vegas
who doesn’t like Karl?
this is a bad plan, Andrew
Karl will get drunk and gamble… alone (I believe that’s a warning sign)
occasionally = once
the difference is you actually hear Karl’s phone
I’ll be the lone voice against Twitter
like being hostile is a new thing
Karl is *still* looking for a producer
quibbling over the pronunciation of one letter “o”
Karl asks a question seriously and then decides he doesn’t want an answer (then brags about my arithmetic skills for me)
I don’t actually believe the conspiracy theories
finally that annoying laugh
Stay generous, my friend.
your workplace is better than Harry Potter’s muggle house, I hope
let me remind you of something that just happened seconds ago

[editor's note: The day after this podcast was recorded, the fuckbuddy in question forgave me. Life is funny.]

Outro music: “Sun Lips” by Black Moth Super Rainbow

Because the Podcast Police demanded it!

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #35: These Tips Could Save Your Life is now available! (Click if you like iTunes.)

Thrill to topics including:

pulling a Karl or ten
Andrew calls “Mexican” a language in a moment of weakness
exciting developments in tilapia
size issues
nerds find solutions nobody else would like
Andrew struggles to find a high-tech solution
sly one, Karl – and no, I shan’t explain it
a stereotype you might not expect
Karl remembers geometry better than I do, strangely
Andrew impresses Karl for once? Andrew reacts typically nervously.
Tim Love’s personalized license plate is “CARNE” – no joke.
national fame is but a breath away
we defend something you would NEVER expect
Karl’s working blue today
I stand by my assessment of Karl’s musical taste
everybody’s working for it, nobody likes it
Karl is emulating his idol, Louis CK, using the wrong metal
the vagaries of silver
Andrew comes full circle
finally dredging up Andrew’s Vegas trip
everybody else is panicking, I’m fine
facts are meaningless (we have the facts and we’re voting no)
we find our cratchphrase?

Outro music: “Wake Up, Ma And Pa Are Gone” by Bound Stems

So, there were some problems. But not ones we couldn’t fix. Life is what happens when you’re trying to hit your flush draw. We’re back with a new podcast.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #34: Controversy! is now available! (iTunes link)

Thrill to topics including:

we’re 30-something
Karl is full of dubious “facts”
Facebook drama!
making friends and influencing people (at Magic tournaments)
Thomas lost at credit card roulette
there actually is a guy that looks like a monkey
reds = 5, greens = 25, rack = 100 chips, stack = 20 (you can thank me later)
Karl is a bastard (for LITERALLY the thousandth time)
I HEARD THAT KARL
one of our sponsors enjoys punishing sluts as well
sorry, Texas.
he hates women, but not *that* much
another family dinner enjoyed in Andrew’s household
a Core i7 box, finally put to use
has Andrew mentioned he doesn’t drink yet?
when in Napa Valley… stay at a hotel.
Karl bombs hard and I make a mess in my pants
I doubt the veracity of your fruit-related story!
Karl slips up and uses my real name
Karl loves the right wing nuts
Andrew makes a sly Factory Records reference
RIM or Handera – the tough decisions
Karl finally admits to owning a Palm Pre
the Do Not Answer patch singlehandedly saves the podcast again
Meth – the choice of a toothless generation!
going to the doctor because you have a cold – not wasteful at all!
I can type Claritin, I just can’t say it (and Karl doesn’t give me shit about it?)
dogpile on Oklahoma!
Wikipedia addiction > meth addiction
DANGER: logic ahead
I find the movie Cube very disheartening
sex with people other than Karl, mind you

Outro music: “Pigeon Force” by The Non (hey guys, how about Amazon mp3? some of us ain’t big fans of iTunes)

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #33: Several Aborted Attempts is now available. (iTunes link)

Thrill to topics including:

we go through this every so often
because you demanded it!
I actually said that out loud at the poker table
a wolf like him
would you pay Karl to do that?
songs from long ago
you’ll never guess what kind of food this restaurant serves
a restaurant you have never heard of before and will likely never hear of before
it might sound like product placement, but I swear it is not
we tell you what’s on our mind (pure honesty)
brief moments of further Vegas (I checked, I didn’t talk about that trip before)
Karl pokes at an open wound
save yourself some time while browsing Facebook
something significant gets said off mic
Mark Cuban – role model?
we protest too much
we don’t have a career in advertising waiting for us
freestyle podcastin’

Outro Music: “Something Good Can Work” by Two Door Cinema Club

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #32: What Happens In Vegas Becomes A Podcast is now available. (iTunes link)

Thrill to topics including:

Karl is a bastard, part xxx?
fascinating stuff
you can take that guy’s word for it, he said it on Twitter
outro songs we won’t use
Karl, prince of lies
at least it was Ron’s money
it’s a wonder my mom has memory issues
oncoming danger!
Behold: Mean Waitress!
(but not Yoko Ono?)
Go For It
Andrew is bad with names
Andrew is not the only one who pisses people off
…but Karl is willing to engage in bribery
the crime of paying for alcohol
Andrew couldn’t care less about football, but…
Andrew tries his best to derail things
Karl enjoys a Bloody Mary (within reasonable limits, perhaps)
where some people = one people
what fools that mortal be
where to stay in Vegas (listen for Karl say an abbreviation out loud – didn’t think I’d catch that, did you?)
basically we just played poker for a week, but I swear it was fun
you can try, but you won’t get it past TSA
Andrew enjoys looking at air conditioners (really)
yet another Karl quote
you probably shouldn’t have Andrew keep track of what he owes you
mmm, all hail the unicorn!
BuffetTalk
the ones in my yard are safe because I’m lazy
36 minutes ends the poker talk
this is absolutely true
Karl was giggling at the time
he says that, but he owns a Focus too
the Andrew-inspired frozen smile of horror
the financial dumpster fire that is Andrew
we owe somebody some royalties

Outro music: “Relaxed Fit” by Chavez

I never actually turned on the TV in my room while I was in Vegas – either time.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #31: Further Verbal Wanderings is now available. (iTunes link)

Thrill to topics including:

Andrew is hip to the soccer culture
late night dining, revisited
(it was Karl)
Andrew makes a joke Karl doesn’t get
Andrew’s legal woes, abridged (part 1)
ah, the confidence of youth
callbacks galore
he’s already got a plasma TV, a laptop, and my dignity
Andrew’s legal woes, abridged (part 2)
you’d think Karl would learn
Andrew misses a callback and confuses sex with murder
shank party!
stating the obvious
Andrew is not making this up
do you believe Karl yet?
shoot down my dreams again, Karl
Karl, overly verbose
the click of doom for Carole
Karl’s Belton talk, abridged
Karl says bold things when she’s in the room
an old rant, revisited
who knew Karl was a foodie prone to corn mold references?
a new euphemism (sort of)
no, really, I didn’t hear it
Eatery Evaluations!
careful with that broth selection, Eugene (STR, no one ever does)
everyone should love the Condiment Party
meet your new master: sambal oelek
turns out the basil was actually spinach (no, really)
smoking cigars doesn’t actually kill your tastebuds THAT bad
for those who don’t know what a Dixie cup is
it’s the same guy!
fuck it declared!

Outro music: “Like the Ocean, Like The Innocent Pt. 2: The Innocent” by Besnard Lakes

Eatery Evaluation Disclaimer: We ate at Ramen Republic after the podcast and they had improved markedly.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #30: The Bus That Rolls Over Your Dreams is now available.

(iTunes link)

Thrill topics including:

Karl’s not very selective about his party guests
Andrew answers “no” and inspires listener dread
Andrew accidentally slips in talk about reality TV
cat breed confusion redux
do they have orphans in Frisco?
universal health care makes for better Youtube videos – but not in Canada?
we now know one type of porn Karl likes
Andrew whistles, as if you didn’t know
the silence you hear is bafflement
Andrew tries on the hack hat
Karl offers helpful tips
the SlutSignal!
Andrew tells a story serves no purpose other than to let you know he’s an asshole
Arts & Jazzfest is not a temporary autonomous zone
that sound you hear is the bus engine turning on
then the bus drives RIGHT over the cliff…
the mystery of lobster puffs
dogs: nature’s shit generators
Karl tries on the Andrew hat
it’s always easier to listen to than to record
Andrew tries on the Karl hat
Karl works his magic
Frisco AGAIN?!
listeners, cross your fingers
there’s no shame in the Magic game
come join us under the bus, Donald… meet Katie
SPOILERS!
hungover Karl has bad handwriting – and spelling
it’s a one man Intervention

Outro music: “Bitter Strings” by The Jealous Sound

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #29: Getting Kinda Nasal is now available.

(iTunes link)

Thrill to topics including:

Karl makes a promise we can never live up to
poker talk
poker with the famous
Andrew accurately describes his past
the nightmare of Swingo (literally!)
shocking discoveries about indie rock
NXNW35SX
Andrew is a cranky old man?!
Karl tries to cut off the confession
Andrew has a differing opinion?!
Andrew has started smoking the pot and listening to the reggae
the elaborate time travel scenario Karl has developed
Karl acts like he gives a shit
Andrew won’t let Karl get away with it
Karl’s off by a year
inappropriate sweet
remember when?
Andrew was ahead of the curve
Andrew takes it down for a moment
more time travel talk
he is Senor Interrupto, the Interrupting One
Karl’s taking a stand
we are strongly anti-pants
when halfway there is all the way there
Karl’s racism, you’re basking in it!
it’s a plague, a plague I tell you!
those silences you hear are Andrew being stunned
Andrew is unprepared?!
Karl throws someone under the bus and skillfully makes it look like Andrew did it
they have it in Austin too (at Pangaea, to bring it back to SXSW – is that place even still open?)
the answer: not at all
it’s the double gr that does it
Karl has so many schemes we can uncover
hookers: YOUR DOIN IT WRONG
SEX. HAT. (bit of 2010?)
the conveyance of authority
Andrew develops a crutch that will no doubt annoy Sunny (sorry, I kept doing it after the mics were off)
we have no solutions for the nation’s problems

Outro music: “CHANGE” by CHLLNGR

Discuss the SEX HAT – or other topics here on Facebook. You can be our friend, too!

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #28: Wind Him Up, Knock Him Down is now available. (iTunes link)

Thrill to topics including:

in our world, weeks are a bit longer
it was Friday actually
guaranteed to drive Sunny insane
Karl: unrelenting asshole
mistakes we made
important things to do
the PamFood question answered?
I point at the microphone
What’s the point of all this “politeness”?
we’re missing a joke about people screeching at each other
we’re people screeching at each other
plan for subterfuge foiled
Karl has improv skills
Delayed gratification (aka a callback)
Karl steps back from the joke
Karl’s inter-episode callback
crutching on like (again)
Karls calls you, fatso
the mathematics of drinking
it’s a fancy place to give away your money
but wait, there’s more!

Outro music: “Stay Ups” by The Most Serene Republic

You can be our friend on Facebook.

Unlistenable Podcast #27: Not The Winner is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

Karl stumbles to the… not finish line
Shoutouts to listeners
How many emails it takes to become an asshole
We show you the seams
We catch each other in our snide comments
You think Karl is being snide, but he’s just being matter-of-fact
riveting disc golf action!
Karl sets the controls straight for the heart of the… ground.
dreaded poker talk
Deep aspects of poker theory explained so all can understand
Certain conversational topics take a little bit longer to get to.
Karl suffers from a lack of perspective.
Karl disapproves
Karl takes a controversial stand
We say all manner of things we’re not supposed to say.
What could be worse than poker talk?
Shae appreciation (Shaeppreciation?)
Andrew loves the visual
Andrew’s plan for the Apocalypse is not that different from his plan for the weekend
Andrew does Karl’s joke for him
Karl also has a plan
Karl realizes the flaw in his “logic”
Karl gets run over by many busses
Karl is a big fan of Event Viewing
Karls “that’s how those people are” moment
Andrew confuses “Party Guy” with “The Troublemaker” (High School Reunion spoilers again?!)
Andrew digs his own grave
looking for a new audience (besides Chinese download robots)
Karl wants to talk about American Idol
what is this American Idol?
another seam shown
Andrew has a solution to the gay problem
the advantages of growing up on the Third Coast
I see a problem with your plan
Karl’s cruelty knows no bounds/prop bets for the ages
everyone in Texas will now open their wallets
bureaucracy shocker: still bureaucratic!

Outro music: “Shine A Light” by Spring Heel Jack

Unlistenable Podcast #26: The Year of The Bomb is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

the joys of the “creative” class
Andrew loves Rooster’s Roadhouse
the final Project Homo update
long live Project Man Harem!
Andrew’s only been awake an hour
get your ban on
NO!… yes.
the family gift exchange
Andrew has excellent taste in music and will not be paying royalties
FOOTBALL TALK HOLY SHIT
breakfast as a metaphor
filth and stealing and more filth
here’s where it gets good
Karl’s trying hard now
the funniest hand motion you will probably never see
Andrew comes up with the ideas and Karl patents them
I have no idea what Lisa said here. We suck at podcast.
Andrew saw “Go”, so he knows all about this stuff
26 episodes in and finally a “no touchez” reference
epic bomb
international air traffic deaths on the rise
Andrew brings it back around
we all get thrown out in the end
the sound of “girl protestations”
that was not a thinly veiled dick size brag but a phone brag

Outro music: “The New Year” by Death Cab for Cutie

Unlistenable Podcast #25: Talkin’ Bout Cats is now available.

It may possibly be the MOST NSFW show we’ve done so far. Curiously, it is also the one with the least amount of poker talk!

Thrill to topics including:

Karl overestimates the abilities of Chinese download robots
strike another one off the list
we work in the marketing department
watch for the popping!
Andrew learns new slang
it’s way better than Pho 3.1 – what could go wrong?
Karl makes an allegation that can’t possibly be true
Karl veers way off into orbit
Karl wants you to do homework
Andrew enjoys certain types of surprises
Karl is magnanimous
a sad story told many times
it’s always a cat story with this guy
you can’t hear Andrew’s shocked face
Andrew doesn’t get the callback – he’s more like his mom than you know
everything is way more significant than it is
Andrew is a defective robot
Project Homo update!
the sex life of Andrew (it’s not as scary as it sounds)
the sex life of Karl (scarier than it sounds)
Andrew leaves in something that makes him look BRILLIANT!
things Andrew is not
Andrew sucks at protecting secret identities, when they don’t matter
Andrew trots out his “internalized homophobia” (those are air quotes)
spooky time at the Valuecube
the extreme gay of Million Dollar Listing
Karl’s reality TV pleasure
One Hit Wonders of the 90s
mass suicide blamed on podcast
career trajectories
Karl’s feelin’ fiesty
Andrew won’t be mean
a weak topic somehow gets less weak?
Karl does an Andrew impression
Andrew plays podcast coach
howsabout some fake controversy?

Outro music: “Pogo” by Digitalism

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #24: The Old and The Baffled is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

Karl’s Intro (Bummed Out)
lots of stunned silence from Andrew
Andrew is like a dog (he only listens for his own name)
Andrew knows one difference between Karl’s two cats
vancles?
get Andrew to take notes
“Know Your Cats” explained
buff – does it mean what you think it means?
Karl has a price and he’s sticking to it
Karl talks about a bump that Andrew never knew about
but who doesn’t enjoy the sage wisdom of Luther Campbell?
when funny makes you sad
Karl can’t hear KLING KLONG! KLING KLONG! (but Andrew can)
Karl makes a dig at someone who probably doesn’t listen anymore
Andrew has to vote Republican – “but still!”
grabbing for that crucial VP spot
always go where the Mexican food is
two old men talk about music (shocking conclusions lay ahead!)
Andrew crutches “like” just a smidge
what scientists probably do with tasty pizza
Andrew should have a job in marketing
sometimes the verb is a crucial part of the sentence
food items we like
Karl secretly hates Yoko (what a fat jerk!)
when you’re a kid, you have your priorities straight
the skinny on Project Homo
Yoko chimes in
Andrew is down
it’s contractual!

Outro music: “Need Your Needs” by Georgie James

Respond to Karl’s topic on Facebook – what do you think?