valuecube.com

Ugh, enough of that guy. Nobody likes him. Howsabout starting your week with a laugh or two? Or finishing it. Whatever you prefer.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #14: Fiscal Responsibility is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

Andrew throws Karl under the bus and then joins him
a rare Karl bomb
two Stunned Bunnies wander around in the woods
Karl paints the Christians with a wide brush
it’s never that things just happen - there’s always a plan
why we will never hold elected office (besides the first 13 podcasts)
Andrew is an expert in fiscal responsibility (what a Republican!)
Andrew slips in another Opie and Anthony reference
Andrew is a responsible and careful driver
Karl slips in a sly one (remember I listen twice, Karl!)
Great Figures in Black History
something dawns on Andrew
we are all Wheels Within Wheels - Meet Obama - the newest, biggest wheel!
we’re all going for the Race War!
Andrew is willing to play the patsy
Andrew discovers the downfall of the KKK
the mystery of belts
Stereotyping is Fun!
Karl has a scam
reference spotted!
the patience Andrew lacks for MMORPGs
how geeks meet and why Andrew is single?
the 7th Inning Stretch
this place is fancy, they have a balcony and a mezzanine
bathroom etiquette
This Story Had No Point
calling back a car crash, and a Car Crash
Andrew forgets the Firefighters
The Ultimate Waiver
Andrew doesn’t ask questions (because he doesn’t care)
ways to avoid things
Andrew can Puke, too
the tragedy of radio
hybrid cross-formatization
Karl admits to the Macarena
Karl tells an Andrew story (no one is safe!)
a new game to play with yuppies
People Who Know What’s Best For Us
In Defense of Women on the Food Network
when Karl says “gesticulating wildly”, he means something very different than the rest of us
Karl could have won the contest, but didn’t
Karl does the outro and picks the music

Outro music: “Drivin Down The Block” by Kidz in the Hall

We perform a valuable pub(l)ic service here at Valuecube Industries, perhaps you can as well. Give us a review in the iTunes Store or shamelessly promote us to all your friends, and we will probably mention you and (less likely, but still possible) say we like you! I mean, really, what could be more awesome than telling your friends “I got mentioned on this podcast that has 20 listeners and they weren’t too much of a dick to me!”

Greetings potential renters!

A former tenant of mine has chosen to repay a debt I conned him into by giving me ownership of his domain, Valuecube.com, and all revenues incurred therein. This is an exciting potential revenue stream for me, since I’m in the process of selling the property he rented.

He will still provide content with his cohort Karl, who apparently maintains his rental properties in a similarly shoddy fashion. It figures that these gentlemen would be friends.

Here are Andrew’s notes:

“Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #13: A Nation In Recovery is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

more Facebook nonsense
why is Karl so happy?
things that may prove useful in your local pub quiz
the subtle distinction between Garland and East Dallas
nice condo, dick!
contact paper - the topic you demanded!
residual paranoia
how to break into Andrew’s house!
how to do a better job than the Denton Police Department
the (erotic) mystery of Police Room
cool hangouts in the new hood and Thomas’ inappropriate random enthusiasm
Two Nerds on Sociology - our new show concept!
The Letter.
when stretching goes wrong
the heretofore unknown value of window screens
we are not ideal tenants, but we pay rent (on time!) every month
Single Guys, No Prospects - a new hit sitcom on ABC!
Sarah “Wobble” Palin
reading suggestions
Things We Lost In The Move
the politics of Sex Roommate
Andrew, Listener Advocate
spelling names wrong
Andrew turns on the AC and you can hear it
GuacTalk(tm)!
Andrew debuts an impression
pair these experiences!
at least one part of Pleasantville is right (STR!)
things in Denton that suck
the heretofore untold story of Andrew’s arrest
the “What Jail Is Like” EP
experiences Karl should never have
everyone likes these foods - eat them!
realizations about your parents after the fact

Outro music: “Where Cedar Nouns and Adverbs Walk” by The Most Serene Republic”

There. This web thing is pretty easy with a little cut and paste action! Let’s see, subtract revenues, add my labor costs and… he owes me another $75! I’m getting excited at this new economy stuff, I have to say.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #12: The Unlistenable Tragedy Of It All is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

Andrew gets what he wants, Karl gets what he wants
the comedy of tragedy/the tragedy of comedy
more tales from the 3-network era
the perils of the staycation (before it was called that)
Karl’s weird video game experience
the economics of Lemonade Stand
Facebook Pokemon - gotta accept them all!
the tragedy of being famous
Andrew gets in the obvious joke
the tragedy of marriage
the tragedy of forgotten comedy
we celebrate the tragedy
the tragedy of reality divorce
Andrew slips in a few sly ones!
the tragedy of underpowered computers and hot chicks
the tragedy of politics
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah!
the tragedy of the Sarah mindfuck
Andrew stealth announces his currybaby
Karl’s apology for his language
Andrew sneaks in a request for the iTunes review (still none yet)
Ren’s not making plussyBee decisions (yet!)
the tragedy of Alaska
Andrew Hime, Scandal Manager
shows that take place in Alaska
who’s fucking Alaska Bill?
the tragedies of reality TV
Andrew avoids jargon for the sake of a sponsor
the economics of crabs
jobs we could do
Karl does an excellent segue
Karl dodges a bullet previously dodged by Andrew
the tragedy of vegetarianism
the best kind of science
The Vegetarian Threshhold
how Karl eats meat
the tragedy of divorce (reprise)
Karl finds religion
Yes, It Was That Bad
the tragedy of gardening
Andrew slips in more landlord complaints
Andrew (successfully) lobbies for a full episode
Unlistenable Podcast on TV?
Andrew gets sensitive
more Alaska scapegoating
Karl goes trolling for a new sponsor
Karl plugs without securing a sponsor
the tragedy of being hetero

Outro music: “Kick The Tragedy” by Drop Nineteens (one of the best songs ever? yes. Stick with it.)

Apologies if this episode is a little quiet/loud… experimenting with the mics on the desktop.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #11: Now Even More Unlistenable is now available.

It’s a short show. Hey, life’s a little crazy right now, you’re lucky to get one at all!

Thrill to topics including:

We welcome a new sponsor!
The story of Andrew’s move.
How ethical behavior works.
Things that perhaps you should not do, and how much they cost people.
The Swinging New Sound of Unlistenable!
More Conspiracy Theory Radio.
Andrew wants his Free Health Care.
Focus on Karl!
Food you do not want to eat.
The dichotomy of mushrooms, by Karl the Mycologist.
Andrew keeps his indie cred.
Where they have those church shootings.
Where they don’t have those church shootings (yet).
A very fascinating topic.
Why Karl Doesn’t Love America.
Faking The Happiness.
Andrew goes behind the button with Karl.
Things you learn from watching Travel Channel.
Andrew has A Plan.
Andrew takes the show completely off the rails and manages to get it back on.
Getting a TV.
Karl makes an attempt at a new job.

Outro music: “Wishbone Be Broken” by Machine Drum

Hyuk hyuk. The guy who delays the recording by two days wants to be critical.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #10: Untitled is now available.

“Thrill” to topics including:

what are the hipsters doing?
Andrew hates cellphones
Karl loves Conspiracy Theory Radio!
why radio is doomed
the different types of courts
places Conspiracy People go to meet each other
Andrew vs Thomas: Money Battle! (Andrew is a greedy fucker)
the secret Nursing Shortage Conspiracy
the lie of Dead Air
Andrew goes behind the curtain
the pizza dilemma
Karl’s cats and the nerdiness therein
how much fun buying a house is
Andrew makes a 90s music ref way off mic
Andrew’s latest speeding ticket
Andrew’s first speeding ticket
the Marriage Conspiracy
what makes a housewarming party special
Karl takes on the comedy world
Herve lays down the burden

Outro music: “State of the Union” by The Factory Press.

As always, we appreciate all comments, questions, suggestions, etc, though we reserve the right to mock them or act hurt. Also, if you enjoy the Unlistenable? We think you should tell EVERYONE you know.

Hello!  Do you have EXTENSIVE PRODUCING SKILLS?  Can you put up a podcast the DAY IT’S RECORDED?  Would you like to join the FAST-PACED world of CONTENT WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE?

Please contact us immediately to take this TERRIBLE BURDEN off of Andy’s shoulders!

That’s right, Rabbit!  This Sunday Andy and I WILL be recording a new podcast.  So hold off on that suicide until Monday, please.  And mention us in your note, even if the podcasts are what drove you to it.  There’s no such thing is bad publicity, right?

THRILL to topics including:  Conspiracy Theory Radio Update, Andy Gets Inned, A Death, MORE Dennis Prager Imitations, and if we have time, the long-awaited bit on Why I Don’t Love America!  Plus plenty more FUN and INTERESTING shit, assuming I can keep Andy from whining about his struggle to find a house.  Seriously, he’s one sad livejournal post away from becoming a goth. 

EDIT:  Thought of another one –  I Figured Out What That Crowd of Hipsters Was Doing This Morning.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #9: Debunkabunk is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

The hybrid format!
Karl admits he is capable of being wrong.
Karl explicitly outs Andrew.
How the post office, grocery stores, and Walmart work.
The ins and outs of how health care works, because we liberals know!
Andrew fesses up to being a burden on the system.
Exactly how much Levaquin costs.
People who SHOULDN’T get cancer.
Karl is super-discreet.
The (doomed) Oreo bet.
Strategizing the Oreo bet.
Oreos, standard and non-standard.
Karl tries a visual bet.
Andrew takes a tour at Frito-Lay Quality Control.
Assembling a non-standard Oreo.
Karl goes off mic.
Words that sound like fifty.
Bingo t-shirts nobody should wear.
The politics of tacos, the politics of feeling good?
Andrew has a fondness for tacos and does his best Walter and Perry impression.
Karl is super-discreet AGAIN.
Andrew’s poker superstitions.
How to (not) play poker.
Andrew makes a J-horror reference people never get.
Andrew does an impression of a poker player.
Karl explains how we win playing Omaha 8 at Winstar.
Andrew explains how we win playing Omaha 8 at Winstar.
How not to act when playing poker live.
Andrew kills a frog.
Somebody actually likes Andrew!
Andrew has an Imus moment.
The mystery of the “Weird Lunch” goes unexplained.
Race politics.
How killing people could be made easier.
Karl is remarkably empathetic.
Don’t hire the homos.
How Karl’s comedy works - check out the seams!
New sitcom: Those Wacky Activist Judges!
Nobody minds the death of the card catalog.
Andrew hates the deaf (and throws himself under the bus while writing the summary).
Karl does ANOTHER visual joke… that’s Andrew’s crutch!
Karl has listened to too much AM news talk radio and introduces his Dennis Prager character!
Andrew has a topic… and it’s Sylvia Browne.

Outro music: “Öngyilkos Vasárnap” by Venetian Snares

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #8: We Own The Thinking is now available.

Thrill to topics including:

Andrew lets Karl have his precious intro.
Karl doesn’t understand audio.
Fuckingmachines - doing their part for the earth!
Phone calls from the (not) dead.
Karl explains his taste in music.
Andrew is slow to awaken, but when he does…
Andrew slips in a sly one.
The only smooth segue in the show!
Old man bolts for freedom.
Covert discussion of This Sunday.
Karl slips in a sly one.
Andrew wakes up three times and it makes Karl happy. Sort of.
Andrew is slow to awaken, Part 2.
Second level political discourse. I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!
People who need brain tumors.
How much hysteria is necessary for the dead?
Presidents and the level of hate accorded them.
Andrew solves the conflict in the Middle East.
1977 was a good year.
We strategize for a new war.
What Karl does on his visits to Austin.
People that make you money when you play poker (in theory).
Things to not do when you play poker.
A subtle Omaha 8 tip!
Some sort of fishy metaphor from Karl.
Andrew does a visual joke.
Andrew crutches the word “weird”.
Girls in personals ads - it’s a problem!
Karl DOESN’T slip in the (expected) sly one.
How to solve human problems with computers.
The podcast goes mobile.
Andrew gets meta, and Karl bombs.
Andrew FINALLY talks at some length about his landlord.
Karl hangs Andrew out to dry.
Karl is talented.
Karl knows the sexuality of robots.

Outro music: “Such Great Heights” by Iron and Wine (after Postal Service) (Karl insisted.)

We are now available through iTunes (search Valuecube), as a friend on Livejournal (valuecube) and who knows how else.

It turns out when I submitted the podcast to iTunes weeks ago, it actually got picked up.

It’s just that you have to search for “valuecube.com” as opposed to Unlistenable Podcast 75432. You can subscribe and all that magic stuff will happen. I guess. I hate that software with a passion.

Feel free to… you know, write a gushing review or whatever. And if anybody knows how to fix that up so it displays shizz correctly, feel free to reply.

For those of you who are bored, Karl has written some “about us” pages that can now be found in the sidebar. I personally am criminally misunderstood. Karl is all too good at “Know Thyself”. I hate putting periods inside quote marks.

Once again, we suffer from a dearth of questions from our listeners. Also, there have been requests for an “about us” page… but what do you want to know about Andrew and Karl?

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 Episode #7: Crying at the Elementarium is now available!

Thrill to subjects including:

listener requests
what to look for in a spelling bee proctor
Karl gets greedy
Andrew gets bratty
more stories of the Childhood Patrol
Andrew gets a text!
the storage system for Andrew’s memories
fuck you, Mr. Borel!
Karl can tell you how old he is
school projects and how bad we were at them
things lawyers don’t do
some people actually don’t like Karl
pathological liars play poker too
talking politics at the poker table
the great one-sided taser debate
“we don’t have free speech anymore”
the blogging/podcasting feedback loop
getting enlightened
Tumorgate 2008
the laptop goes into hibernate again
Karl’s going to Austin
Andrew’s wedding policies
Andrew’s holiday status (come to find out it’s not so!)
bustin’ Karl’s balls

Outro music: “Equus” by Blonde Redhead (Karl requested some Blonde Redhead)

We’ve been away for a while, but we’re back. Pity for the family.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 Episode #6: Doing Time on Inglewood Drive is now available!

Thrill to subjects including:

why we didn’t do a podcast
Death vs. Factory
how people explain Andrew when they don’t remember his name
Karl’s bad character traits
dressing for success
the dynamics of the holiday in Andrew’s family
fear of a rosemary planet
semi-fond memories of bad barbecue commercials
Karl is a PAL (Passive Aggressive Liberal)
Andrew no likey da BBQ
valiantly pointing out the hypocrisy of closed businesses (the Andrew hates “local” business mix)
how road construction “works” in Denton
the difference between “good” mall and “bad” mall
a few reasons why businesses in Denton fail
how to succeed (oh no! it involves spending money!)
what you talk about when you don’t talk for a while
Scrabulous by email: The New Addiction
a Scrabble tip, believe it or not
mowin’ lawns on Inglewood (you only have two months to stalk me)
Dave H gets mentioned
the computer goes into hibernation and the mics go ungrounded (I gotta fix this)
landlord problems
we pour some out for our homey Stormie
strategies for handling the family
strategies for drinking
Spades vs. Scrabble
abstract Obama impersonation
Andrew’s Bible tip
Karl’s Bible tip
Andrew’s actually not racist for a moment
new car recommends and how financing works in the REAL world

Outro music (stuck in 96): “Infested” by Course of Empire

It’s kind of a long story as to how this show took so long to get here. The quickest answer is: LAZINESS! Yay! Blame Full Tilt and the TiVo.

Disclaimer: It’s a joke. Don’t tell the FCC. And don’t read too much into it.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 #5: The “Lost” Episode is now available!

Thrill to subjects including:

Plugs for fuckingmachines.com!
The Tipping Conspiracy!
Karl’s haircut getting skillz!
Karl’s thoughts on urban planning and Urban Taco!
The glory days of cheap gas and interesting indie movies!
Ronsrants is the only one who asks questions, and so we answer them!

…and many more! I’m summarizing like it’s the Greatest Hits! Really, it’s just that this show is late and needs to get posted before Karl finds out how late it is and gives me the verbal thrashing I so richly deserve. Plus we have a fan I totally didn’t know before today and I told him to check the site “tomorrow”. It’s almost tomorrow now!

Outro music: “Comics Battle” by Grandma

PS: This show ran a little long. DEAL WITH IT, Ronsrants!

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 Episode #4: Austin Plugs Pt. 2 is now available!

This episode features Andrew and Karl.

Thrill to topics including:

an important fuckingmachines.com update
Emo’s in Austin: the good and bad
how to get an encore - or not?
Karl’s favorite radio station in Austin
how to get hired to screen calls
more plugs
more SXSW talk
Rock Band vs Guitar Hero
mmm… balut
the Golden Age of TV
the dark times before Fox
the TVLand business model
the dynamics of high school reunions… and High School Reunion
Karl goes blue
Karl waxes delusional about retaining his youthful looks
Andrew doesn’t remember
Andrew spoils High School Reunion for you
Andrew’s language preference
Andrew makes for bad TV
Karl can haz career
obligatory poker content (with segue!)
questions answered
Andrew vs Karl
Bible learnin’ with Karl
Karl assesses dog breeds - more than 2 or 3?
why Andrew doesn’t want an iPhone
teasing of various types

Outro music: “Say Hey There” by Atmosphere

Target date for next show: 3/23/08 (and then we’ll settle back into a rhythm of sorts)

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 Episode #3: Austin Plugs Pt. 1 is now available!

This episode features Andrew and Jeremiah.

Thrill to topics including:
Karl’s Bible knowledge is envied
what exactly is wrong with our setup
how to deal with Andrew effectively
how to do a podcast
the perils of organic gardening
some kind of big smart bug
a comedy show at SXSW?
a comparison of Denton and Austin
the tale of Thomas’ Friday night
Jeremiah doesn’t know what you’re talking about
take an improv class, Andrew
the tao of Jeremiah’s comedy
the politics of bodybags
Janeane Garofalo spoilers!
things we all do that we shouldn’t do onstage
Andrew can’t remember Autotune
Jeremiah has a pet name for his wife
the difference between card games
Jeremiah’s card game
a plug! a plug!
inside jokes
Jeremiah’s SXSW experience
SXSW behind the scenes
Andrew’s popular!
Thomas makes his first appearance and gets dissed
a tease about the Corn Conspiracy
Cigar Conspiracy!
Dolly Parton Conspiracy!
a basic explanation of SXSW for people who haven’t been
the joys of cigars, Scrabble, food, and beer?
beer plug!
more plugs!
podcast equipment provenance

Outro music: “(Paranoid) Polaroids” by Slarrafenland

Target date for next show: in the next few days (seriously!)

Well, here we all are… ready for a new episode of Unlistenable.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 Episode #2: I’m Part of The Conspiracy is now available!

Once again Karl tries to foil Andrew firing up a cigar for almost 20 minutes.

Thrill to topics including:

Questions answered, formatics, cheating at Scrabble, Murder TV, the word for people who commit crimes…
Scott Peterson: Innocent!
Men are better at murder, the lineage of rap groups, Karl says something racist, how to win at limit poker (the really short version), Omaha 8 insanity, Barbara is not a guy, Karl’s fashion opinions, a live caller, another plug, the hierarchy of Karl’s friends, bros before hoes, a brief history of the friendship of Karl and Andrew, doing the crossword, more tinfoil hat bullshit…
The Jews, the Jews, the Jews!
Money makes the world go round, ungrounded mics, religion and fast food restaurant choices, which cult you should join, getting in on the ground floor of The Conspiracy…
The Jews: Who controls them?
Shakespeare knew about The Conspiracy, why you shouldn’t vote for Obama, Karl expresses a preference for Spain over Mexico, we get all Fox News on your ass, Andrew likes pork as well as poker, The Decline of Western Civilization (not the movie)!, more Conspiracy in the Civil War, vote or die…
Third parties: Not just for crackpots?
Old scifi book series we love, the classic battle between race and gender, Ralph Nader’s new nickname, Karl runs for President, literature recommendations, Andrew’s electoral shame, superior dick move, why you shouldn’t elect a Democrat, the tragedy of the lambs (lowercase), brushes with fame other people have, brushes with fame we sort of had…
Shameless whoring!

Outro music: “Time to Pretend” by MGMT

Target date for next show: ???

Someone suggested that we have a questions and answers segment of the show. Do you have questions? If so, what are they? Post them as comments here and perhaps we will answer your questions. It’ll be meaningful.

Andrew has managed to find a system that sort of works. It only took a fair bit of money and 4 trips to Rad Shack.

Unlistenable Podcast 75432 Episode #1: Makin Losers Happy is now available!

This episode features Andrew and Karl. Or Karl and Andrew. Karl let me do most of the talking, perhaps so I wouldn’t fire up a cigar.

Thrill to topics including:

The sex life of Doyle Brunson!
What it’s like to be an office boy!
The secret plot to stop the podcast!
Complaining about Winstar!
How to get a job in Denton!
Why you don’t want to be a 911 Operator!
Karl locks up Andrew’s brain (MULTIPLE TIMES)!
Cats! (Two breeds - or is it THREE?!)
Pile of shirts!
Violence directed towards cats!
What we swear is not an ad for fuckingmachines.com!
False morality in TV and radio!
A plug for KVRX/KOOP!
Pirate radio hyjinx!
The lineage of bands in Attleboro, Massachusetts!
Dissing Blue October and The Feds! (and Blues Traveller - it’s too easy)
How to get rid of bass players!
Generic sounds!
Video games of the mid 90s!
Learning how to drive/car accidents we’ve had!
Exaggerated humor!
Poor rural planning!
The lineage of a grocery store chain in Denton!
Obligatory poker content!

Outro music: “I Hate Hate” by Razzy

Target date for next show: 3/2/08

We would love some feedback. Well, Andrew would anyway. Feel free to post comments, questions, and suggestions, as long as they don’t involve words Andrew knows he crutches or Karl putting the mic closer to his mouth.

EDIT: And if you enjoy the podcast, please… share it with your friends!